“Been a long time been a long time been a long long lonely time..”

Pretty much. Lots of running around recently, both good and bad. The kids are growing like crazy. The big one is becoming more and more “grown” every day, and doing really well with her dad still being gone. The little one is a “whole foods” champ, even though we’ve discovered that there is a new allergy to look into.
 We went to Fayetteville for a babywearing adventure with D’s “Nova BFF” and her mom to go check on a group, and my mom came to see us for a little bit and kept D and her buddy so they could hang out and the mom and I could do our thing. Came home for a few days and found out last Monday night that a woman who has been a second mom to me had a sudden heart attack. We went down to Richmond Tuesday morning to see the family and be at the hospital, and she died Tuesday afternoon.
 It was very.. surreal. Once again, I don’t feel like I’m old enough to have friends who’s mom could die from a heart attack. I realize that’s a very childish and not-well thought out thing to think, but still. I also know that while one of her kids is close to my age, the other is older than me by several years. Still. We stayed until Thursday evening, came home to do laundry, and then left Saturday morning to lead a babywearing meeting in Fredericksburg, help at the Kid’s Expo in Richmond, and then hang out more with the family before the funeral Sunday afternoon. As weird as it sounds, it was also the happiest funeral I’ve ever been to, if that makes any sense. There was definitely a sadness to it, and a lot of tears, but between it being outside on a gorgeous spring day and the fact that she had such a bubbly personality, it’s hard to think of it as dark and depressing. I don’t remember having ever been to a Jewish funeral, and the differences were interesting to me. One that sticks out, and a friend’s dad explained it to me, was that everyone there shovels a little bit of the dirt over the casket, because “strangers should never bury our friend”. I liked that a lot. I thought it said a lot about Gayle not only that so many people that she touched through out her phases of life came out, but also how many people that went to High School with her son (my age) came. She was a band and choir mom, and I remember spending lots of time in their living room and at their dining room table or out with them after games, even though I didn’t go to the same high school as her son. She was a Bubbe both to her biological grandkids, and to my kids, and Devon has been calling her house “the fun house” since we were there a few weeks ago (admittedly, for another funeral. Devon stayed with Gayle, her husband, and her daughter and her husband while I was at the service). It was very weird to walk into the house on Thursday and have Gayle not be there, but it was nice that through out the day more of “her kids” from HS shuffled into the house, and by dinner time the main floor was full of both us and some of our kids, lots of laughing, cooking, etc, just the way she would have liked it.
 We came back Sunday night, into a babywearing meeting Monday and an Ikea adventure yesterday with a friend from our Fayetteville trip, and then someone I went to middle school with who is here interning at the Smithsonian. Things have been crazy, mostly good crazy, but it’s making the time passes and it helps a lot.Today is lots of laundry and cleaning, tomorrow is dance class for D, and then I think Friday we’re going to go out for another babywearing meeting, even though it’s on the other side of the county. I mean, it’s not like we’ve got anything else going on 🙂

“Gotta roll with it baby..”

So far, we’re rolling.

Today has actually been really good. We didn’t leave the house, but we got a lot done, including a long conference call for me this morning and several hours of work. I think we’re figuring out a good pattern for living, at least on home days. We skipped D’s gymnastics class today because she and P both had the coughs and snots last night and today, and I didn’t want to be the parent spreading the cooties. Looks like it’s weather related though, so we’re in the clear for the babywearing meeting tomorrow 🙂

The funeral Saturday was.. not what I expected. I guess I thought (maybe because I was dreading the possibility) I might see more people from HS, but it seemed to be mostly people from his adult life. It was, not to sound morbid, but one of the best funeral’s I’ve been to. I feel like his family worked really hard to make it the way Dayne would have wanted, regardless of their personal or religious preferences. It had a lot of things in common with B’s funeral a few weeks ago. Both packed to the brim, unexpected, and deeply touching, but very different in mood and mentality. It was an interesting contrast to me.
Speaking of B, as some of you may know, I listed my most expensive carrier for sale around the time of the funeral with the intention of donating any and all profits to WWP in memory of B. Finally someone bought it, and I think it’s a perfect match. She’s an Army Chaplain, and is going to donate the remaining balance from our trade to WWP, and even do an auction of some diapers (she makes them when she’s not.. chaplaining?). It was interesting trying to give her the background on someone I’d never actually met, but still not feeling like anything I could say would sum up the impression that was made upon me both by the funeral and by T. It’s.. hard to explain someone who touched your life without even touching your hand.
 T is doing well. Working hard and often. We’re starting to plan our Europe trip for this summer. I’m going to have to work like a mad person to be able to help afford it, but I’m SOOO incredibly excited. Luckily, I’m up to my elbows in work both paid and unpaid, and I’m finally managing my time and caffeine intake in ways that are conducive to paychecks. Also looking at picking up a few more clients, but trying to not drop anymore volunteer stuff. I’m seriously slacking on my BI exam. I’m thinking that when we go to the stich and Bitch this weekend, instead of taking a craft project I’m going to take my laptop and my BI exam. A test without a deadline is the worst idea ever. Having it done will open up a few more doors though, which would be nice.
Alright, the tiny bed hog is flailing. Guess I should stop clacking away and go to sleep so we can go play with friends tomorrow 🙂 Almost 6 weeks down!

Just call me Flailasaurus Rex

I like that my computer looked at “Flailasaurus” and said “Did you mean Australiasia?” No, computer. I did not. I meant AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…..

This weekend, we went to Richmond for a babywearing meeting with some of my favorite people on the planet, went to a birthday party for my FOUR YEAR OLD (Hold on.. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.. yes) godson, and then stayed the night with some of my other favorite people on the planet.
And then we got up the next morning and had the beemer tell me that it gave up on life. A million thanks to the waiter who saw me flailing for my life with two kids, an angry car, and half a heartbeat away from tears, and was generous with the napkins and coffee as my children laid waste to the table (in the way that children do, not in anyway that was actually misbehaving) while I tried to sort out with my priorities and my strandedness and.. everything. Scene I wish I had a picture of.. Me, with my infant on my back, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and trying to see if the BMW had a dipstick under the hood. But not the cursing when my husband confirmed via email that it in fact, did not.
 Managed to eek a few miles out of my oil-less car and drop it at the dealership, while my fabulous friend picked us up and then ended up loaning us his car for a day so that the kids and I weren’t trapped in a space that was not conducive to trappedness. Thanks to my dearest friends who put us up an extra night despite their own personal chaos, and let us tear through their egg supply. My kids thought hanging out with some of their godparents was awesome. Thanks to the friends who met us for lunch on Monday while I waited anxiously to hear about the beemer, and then let us use their guest passes so my littles could be amuck at the Children’s Museum while I finally sorted out our car, and then was able to pick it up, grab dinner with one of my babies’ godmothers, and then haul our happy butts home. Thanks to Richmond BMW for unpissing off my car. Thanks to my children for their never-ending love for their batshit crazy mama, and thanks to my Mamma and my GranGran, who finally decided to pass on their love for coffee. Thanks to the friends we are making at gymnastics class who don’t mind my over-eager (amazing, wonderful) toddler creeping on their snacks at the coffee shop, Thanks to the friend who unknowingly shared a statement on facebook which allowed me to change the way I discipline my children, and thanks to the friend who is elbows deep in her own babies and offered to keep mine so I could go to a funeral this weekend without a two year old. 

Which brings me to my next point..
 Thank you God for the light in my life that was Dayne Kaufman. I have always struggled with the idea that You lend us people and then “rip them away from us”, but Dayne was so amazing I can understand why you would need him back. Thank you for lending him to us for as long as you could, and for allowing all who he touched to learn from him the way we did. 

Thank you friends who have helped me out at every turn these last 4.5 weeks, and while I hope that I need significantly less help the next 5 months, this first month has been a lesson in blessings. I have decided that every “Adventure” we’ve had was just an opportunity for God to remind me how lucky we are, and how smart I was to stay here while T is gone.

This long jumble brought to you by the power of coffee, the satisfaction of catching up on work, and a grateful heart.

“On the fourth week of deployment, the universe gave to meee..”

one hand sliced open, 2 pooping babies, and a snow day without any heeeeeaat..

But also, a visit from my mommy, a two hour massage, a morning with my awesome neighbors, and a friend who makes bacon maple ice cream 🙂

Today we have officially made it through our first month. T and I are both hoping for our bank account’s sake the the next month is less financially adventurous, but I’m also hoping he gets his promotion to help balance that out. Today we’re going on a playdate with friends, one of whom decided to try bacon maple ice cream with bacon brittle, and is bringing us some. I am super excited. 
 Yesterday morning, we woke up to 2.5 inches of snow on the ground, trucks outside working on the sewer, and a house with no heat. We are cold ladies in this house. When T is here, we keep it at 70 during the day and 62ish at night, but D and I are both usually in long sleeves even at those temps. When he’s not here, it’s 72 during the day and 65 at night, and we are usually all sleeping together. We woke up to 58 yesterday, and by the time the HVAC technician got here it was at 55. Mind you, when we first got up it was also like 17 degrees out. It didn’t occur to me until after the caffeine set in that maaaybe something was wrong with our heat. When I noticed that the heat wasn’t coming on and the house wasn’t getting any warmer. A friend who knows about those kind of things walked me through some simple trouble shooting and then had someone where he works come out and fix it. Luckily, it was a fairly simple fix (part replacement) and he even had the part in the truck, but it was also a $417 part. $532 later, our heat was back on. After we had breakfast, we went across the street to hang out and wait for the tech, and then wait for some heat. Our poor neighbors must think we’re only social when things are going wrong, but in fact… things are just always going wrong lol.
 Mom was here Sunday through Wednesday afternoon and it was AWESOME. She cooked, she cleaned some, she helped with laundry and wrangling and.. I even got to take myself for a massage and a coffee allllllll by myself. It was fabulous, and the girls loved having her here. She came to D’s gymnastics class with us, and took D out for breakfast during P’s 6m wellbaby. P is almost 16 lbs, meeting and exceeding all her milestones, and is generally awesome. I loved the new doctor we saw, and apparently they brought in a few more new ones as well. Between Devon’s throwing up last week, and then both of them having tummy trouble this week, I’m a little amazed we haven’t been in and out more often.

The sliced hand is fairly minor actually, but was momentarily catastrophic as I did in front of Devon, and then couldn’t get it to stop bleeding for quite a while. It was too small (deep enough, but lengthwise) for stitches, so we just used a lot of bandaids.

Alright, time to get this goat rodeo started, but I just wanted to update. We are still alive, and one month down. 

“Talk talk that talk to me..”

P has been quite the chatterbox lately, but within the last few days it’s really taken off. Yesterday we had “whooooaa” as we were running around the house, and today we had “byebyebye” when we were talking to T.
Of course, talking to T has proven to be quite the challenge. The time that his work keeps him was already going to be long (15 hour days) but the last few days have been more along the lines of 18 or so. He’s exhausted, and I can’t blame him, and his room mates want to sleep, so he has to be quiet (also can’t blame them) but it means that we can’t hear him. It involves me talking to him with the camera one and him typing back to me. It’s nice because I at least get to see his face, and today so did Piper. She played in her “ADD Chair” (Excersaucer) but was having a blast chattering to him and playing with her toys. Right now she’s sitting in my lap playing with D’s talking dinosaur, hitting the buttons with her toes.
  The last 24 hours has been an adventure. We staying home yesterday to “relax” and actually ended up locking ourselves out of the house. Luckily, we have awesome neighbors who let us hang out while I got a locksmith over to let us back in. It took the guy 2 minutes and cost me almost $200. While we waited, D got to play and got herself wore out, and they even fed her. When we finally came home after playing, she was STILL hungry, and had some oatmeal. Her stomach had been bothering her a little but I figured it was just all the different things going on and wasn’t super concerned. We went to bed, and not two minutes after I moved her to her bed, she threw up in her sleep .EVERYWHERE. She didn’t even wake up, but I heard her choking. I got her up, showered, changed, and calmed down, and brought her to my bed. An hour later, she threw up in my bed. I was still awake so I heard it coming and only got a little on my bed and most of it was on the floor or in the bathroom. Got her cleaned up again and set her in her rocker seat in the kitchen to clean up my bed (Around P, who was still sleeping through all of this) and she fell asleep in the rocker, so I carried her and the rocker back to my room, covered her up, and let her sleep. 2 hours later she threw up again, but much less, and afterward told me she felt better and went back to sleep in my bed. She was fine until this morning, when her “butt peed!!” during breakfast. She wasn’t completely awake, so I think it snuck up on her. Got her cleaned up again, got laundry started, and discovered that P also had the runs. She seems about done with hers as well. and I’m a little sick but not nearly as bad as they were. Apparently there is some 12-24 hour bug going around, and it was our turn to have it. No I’m spending the day doing laundry and cleaning up various types of human fluids. Hopefully, we all stay on the mend, because tomorrow we have a fun outing and then Thursday I have to work an expo on base! P is going with me and D is very excited that her  “Aunt BB” and “Other Uncle Chris” are coming to hang with her while I work, and then my mom is coming for a few days starting Sunday so I can get a break/massage/etc.
  We got T his first box sent, so hopefully it makes it there easily. If not we’ll keep playing with the system. Thankfully through USPS.com I could order all the APO boxes online, have them shipped, and then can do the customs and shipping forms online and mail it all from the house. I made him his favorite snack, and a friend lent me her food saver, so hopefully it will still be nice and yummy when it gets there.
  Alright, time to get up and play with the baby- she’s getting antsy in my lap and so loud I’m afraid she’ll wake her sister. Should probably also catch up on that mountain of laundry.. oh well.. one day at a time, and we’ll make it 🙂

Week 2: “I keep my friends with me, I stay busy, and I don’t get much sleep..”

“That’s how I’m doin since you did what you da-da-done to meee..”

Yeah, my friends have been pretty fabulous. I expected nothing less though- that’s why I was fine with staying here 🙂 We’ve been out everyday this week for something or other, and that’s helping a bit with the lack of contact with T. I’ve gotten a few short emails, or I get one liners on skype, but today was the first time since Tuesday we’d gotten to hear/see him, and it was only for a few minutes. His schedule is kicking his butt. It will make it go fast for him, but it makes it harder on us.
 We settled on a gymnastics class- we are now members of the Little Gym! All three we went to were great classes, but D really shined at TLG and she had a fabulous instructor. Also, for less than $500 including the membership fee, she is now paid up for one class and one free gym a week until mid June. I can totally dig that 🙂 I also love that it’s next to a local coffee shop that has a play area. So we have classes on Tuesdays, and then a babywearing meeting wednesday, I taught at an API group on Thursday, we had a meeting for T’s work today, another babywearing meeting tomorrow, a birthday party Sunday, and then.. probably Ikea on Monday, class again on Tuesday.. and so on. I love having things to do, even though it does mean hauling all of us out of the house and all over creation. I’ve also discovered I can order our milk in bulk off amazon, which has made my life soooooooo much easier. Next week I have to work a fair part of the day Thursday, so I will have at least P with me and probably D, but at least I will made a decent amount of money doing it. We’ll see how D does until then. I just don’t want to pay a babysitter half of what I’m making hourly to be there. It was poor planning on my part, admittedly, but I also didn’t think I was going to be the only one there. ::Facepalm::
  Devon’s vocabulary is exploding. The difference between 2 and 2.5 and then 2.5 and 3 is blowing my mind. She’s singing by herself, talking in lots of full sentences, asking all kinds of questions.. it never ceases to amaze me. However, recently she’s also been driving me up the wall. Last week we were pretty good with no nap and an early bed time, but this week we’ve been on the go so much that a nap has been essential, even if it means staying up a little later. We’ve also been having nightmares. Her’s are apparently about sharks or are just “scary”, mine are a little more dark and specific, but I’ll spare you the details. Because of those, I’ve let her sleep in my room some nights, which has it’s pluses and minuses. I kind of miss my bedspace, but I’m glad she sleeps better at least. P on the other hand is a BED HOG. She takes up like all of T’s side! Crazy kid.
  T sent us gorgeous flowers the other day, and was even on skype to see us get them. It was super sweet 🙂 D was very excited.
  I got the basement cleaned up, so now it’s ready for toys, but we haven’t been around long enough during the day to get things down there. My mom also has my brother’s old toy organizers, a shelf, and a train table for us to put down there, which will help a lot. I can’t wait to get it all set up! It’s going to be a great space. We’ve spent some time down there just sitting/playing ball, and D has loved it. I’ve been wearing P most of the day, every day, and it’s been a HUGE help. I don’t know how people do it without.
  Alright, well it’s probably time to get the bedtime routine started, but just wanted to let everyone know that we’re surviving 🙂

“Once more, with feeling..”

 I tried to write last night, and was just so grumbly it wasn’t worth posting. 

We’ve survived our first full week as a party of three. Things have been pretty good. D has been a phenomenal big sister this week, but she’s been having trouble the last 24 hours because we haven’t been able to call daddy whenever she wanted. Last week he was in and out prep for the trip, so as long as he wasn’t busy, we could talk, and I could text him. He’s now in the middle east, and he’s texted me a few times today between flights to let me know (because he’s awesome, and knows I am a grade A control freak so I NEEEEEEEED to know where he is lol), but we haven’t been able to skype/call.

Today was great- a little chaotic this morning, but fun. D’s “NoVA bff” (As opposed to her Richmond BFF lol) had her birthday party today, and while it took me forever to find it because they don’t have a big sign yet, but once we got there (And after I got some coffee) it was awesome. I love that place- we’ll have to go back and check it out more. We also picked her up one of these today after trying it at gymnastics last week. However, I got mine half price off craigslist 🙂 We then came home and had a few things we were selling picked up and hung out. We made cookies and brownies and now D is struggling soooooo hard to stay awake. P has been in and out, but is staring at my computer screen to keep herself up. Yesterday we tried gymboree play classes, and D liked it a lot but I’m not sure that we like it better than JW. We’ve got a SWAMPED week next week. A trial gymnastics class on Tuesday, Babywearing Meeting on Wednesday, I’m teaching an API babywearing class on Thursday, and a new Fredericksburg meeting on Saturday! I’m so glad we’re finally getting this moving. Tomorrow we have a friend coming over to hang out with the girls for a few hours while I clean up the basement. She’s hopefully going to babysit for us once a week or so during the deployment, but I wanted the girls to get a chance to get used to her. I’m not sure how D will do since I will be in the basement, but I’m hoping I’ll at least be able to get things done so she can play down there by next week. My hope is to get it vacuumed, picked up, and painted, but the first two are the definite priority. My brother that sanded the putty pretty much trashed the basement, including my craft/laundry room, and didn’t cover anything, so now a lot of my scrapbooking stuff is covered in while dust. GRUMP. GRUMP. GRUMP.
  I’ve also taken on a mini project for the Richmond babywearing group, and the charity run I’m helping T’s friend with is starting to get moving, so I’m suuuuuuuper excited for that. I’ve also registered for a 5k in April in Richmond, Color Me Rad, to celebrate the end of our Biggest Loser competition. I’m hoping more to be in better shape and less about the numbers, but I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to that number going down. T tells me not more than 10 lbs though lol.
 Hooray, through the typing of this, P has passed out in my lap and D is sooooo close. We’re relaxing in front of the food network and elmo’s world, respectively. She’s had a long, napless day, and I’m hoping for a quick night to sleep for all of us. I’m so thankful for everyone who’s gone out of their way to be kind to us, invite us places, or snatch my babies so I can go to the bathroom by myself occasionally. I told T when we found out about the deployment that I was going to stay here because I knew I’d have enough help, and between the experiences his last two trips and the friends that have reached out so far, I know I made the right call.

Days 4 & 5: Hot Blooded! Hot Blooded!

or hot tempered. As some of you know, I do not live well with most people. I love company, I do not enjoy small spaces. I am a terrible room mate, as my past room mates can tell you. Especially since my brothers keep opposite hours from us. I LOVELOVELOVE the work they’ve gotten done on the basement, and by the time that my last brother leaves tomorrow morning, it will be usable (Although requiring paint, etc) as a playroom for my beautiful ladies, just in time for us to have about busted our living room to the seams. However, I’d like to be able to close the house down, lock it, and run around naked if I want to.
It doesn’t help that we’ve started up the hard part of the beginning of the deployment. Between T leaving, the holidays, my brothers, the noise, and the girls getting over being sick.. it’s been a high maintenance last couple weeks, and it’s starting to take a toll. D was sooooo wound up last night that it took almost THREE HOURS to wind her down. She was then so restless I couldn’t even move her to her bed. I got up early and took one of my brother’s to the train station, then came back and crawled between the two little lovelies who had scooted together and were holding hands 🙂 We managed to get D back down for a nap at a reasonable time, but with all the extra noises in the house it took quite a while and was fairly painful. Baby steps. Tomorrow we’re taking my other brother that stayed to meet up with ANOTHER brother who was up here visiting so that they can get to the airport and head back to Charlotte. I’m excited for us to have lunch and see friends while we’re out after dropping him off though. It will be good to do something familiar. Hoping for a nap on the way home.
D had her first tumbles class yesterday at JW Tumbles, and she had a lot of fun most of the time but the lack of structure leaves a little to be desired, and it was hard to keep her interested towards the end. We’re going to check out a few other places this week and next week (MyGym, Little Gym, and Gymboree) to see if there is anything we like better, then go from there. Conceptually though I think it’s a good thing for her. P is furious that she’s not crawling yet, and currently on her mat grumping, but doesn’t want to be picked up. I’m hopeful for a place that has open gym hours so that P will be able to play too.
We were able to skype with T a little bit this evening, and are starting to get into a groove that we’re hoping travel time aside will remain a decent time table for the days we are able to talk. It was nice to be able to hack out some details for coming adventures. We also discovered that on our map (We have a giant “Family Tracker” map we put up after he left that has where some of our family lives/visits marked on it) the base he is going to has been there long enough that it is considered a town and shows up on our map. It is neat to be able to show her where he is, and I’m hoping once we get downstairs set up we can get a calendar or chain or something made to help signify time passing. Deployments are hard because while there is a ball park end time, there is no specific date, so you can’t really count down without risking getting to the end and having to add on more.
Between the lunch playdate tomorrow, plans with weekend, and babywearing meetings coming up soon, I’m hopeful that getting in a groove with be fairly quick, even though I know the next few days of adjusting to an empty house will be a change too. It’s been nice that we’ve been able to pare down a little bit at a time so it didn’t go from ten people to just us, at least for more than a day.
Alright, time to get my ladies snuggled up and calmed down, but so far, we’re surviving 🙂

Days 2 and 3: Saturday Night’s Alright..

The first night went well, and we woke up well rested, even thought D had an accident and ended up in my bed around 6:30am. We relaxed, did some more cleaning, and waited for my family to come back from MI to hang out with the girls while I went to Mom’s Night Out. It was fabulous, even when I ended up riding around in the TC parking lot in one of the women’s kids carseats while she dropped us all off at our cars because it was cold out. It was nice to fancy up a little, although I did feel a little bad that I had dressy clothes, heels, and make-up on, but hadn’t for my husband any time recently except for the funeral. I had a blast though, and have learned that jack on the rocks might be my new drink.

While I was out gallivanting with my girls, two of my brothers were hard at work. I had a light in my carport, which hadn’t happened at all in the year we’ve lived here, and a clean kitchen. Today they’ve been busting butt on the basement, and are making awesome progress. Both agreed to stay through New Years Day, one heading home that morning and the other heading home the next. D has LOVED having her uncles here, and loved hanging with Poppa and GG the 18 hours or so they were here. She’s currently rubbing my back while we watching Iron Chef and Woody the Woodpecker. My kids are awesome. It sounds like after working in my basement since lunchtime, my brothers are now doing my dishes. I’m spoiled 🙂 I’ve been doing lots of sorting/organizing, in hopes that I can have a truck come this week and pick extra stuff up.

The girls are feeling SOOOO much better, thank God. I was starting to get worried. P is also desperately trying to crawl, and both are eating like crazy people. They got to see their daddy a few times today on skype, which has been awesome. It took P a few minutes to be ok with it, because she’d hear his voice and look for him, but towards the end of the morning chat she was very verbal and physically emphatic, which was super cute to see and I think made his day. D now keeps bringing me my laptop and telling me we need to “call daddy with mamas computer”. He’s still on the east coast, just getting all the final checks and gear issued before leaving later this week. I was able to talk to him for a few minutes on the phone last night, and he called while I was out to talk to the girls, but it was nice to be able to “see” him. We’re not sure how often that will happen once he’s in country, so we’re definitely milking it. It’s weird being able to text him even though he’s “gone”. It’s also a little funny for me to hear about them being shuffled around and living overly tight, which I know he’s not used to.
Well, I should probably get the girls tucked in. D is leaning on me and almost asleep, and P is grumbly and not far behind. Tomorrow we’re taking a free trial class of a gymnastics/tumble time for D, and they’ve encouraged me to bring P “in a carrier” so that I can participate as well. I like the sound of them already 🙂

Also, if you would like T’s address to send him packages/letters/etc, please let me know and I’ll get it to you. He loves mail 🙂

Day 1: D-Day

I’ll just go right out and say it- today wasn’t as hard as the average person thinks it is. Tomorrow will be harder. For the next 7 days or so, it will get harder, and then it will even out, and we will adjust to our rhythm. Tonight the girls were great, even with P having a meltdown and peeing on the couch and then kicking half my dinner off my plate. Whatever, probably didn’t need that anyway 🙂 D told me when she was tired, and we came back to bed, relaxed for a few minutes, an she fell asleep in front of the iPad while her sister nursed and played. They are both seriously coughing, so I’m letting them hang out in my room while they sleep and I watch the food network. There will be a lot of this in our future. We were able to text with T tonight but no Skype because he’s in a barracks. D asked for him once before bed, but she only wanted to call. I was unsure about taking them into the airport, but delta and Reagan were awesome to us. Easy to get gate passes, quick through security, etc. What I hated were the looks walking in while he had all his clearly military gear, and I had the girls. When I was getting the passes while he and D dropped off the bags, the clerk asked the usual questions. Where, how long, etc.
Finally she asked “Do you guys have a house here? Will you just go home and..” She stopped.
“Yes.” I nodded. “We will go home, keep living, and wait.”
“Wow.” Was all she could muster. DCA has the pre check security, and even that guy just looked at me with this… Pity. I wanted to yell, but I didn’t. D shared fries with T one more time, and we counted planes. She asked me a few times if we were going to get on daddy’s plane or a different plane, but when I told her we were going home, she asked if we could take a plane to GG’s, and I told her “soon.” We left quietly and easily after they started boarding, and it wasn’t a bad good bye, but after I had that dark thought of “If this is the last time.. Was that enough?” But didn’t want to make a scene. He took pictures of us and even caught me smiling, although I think I was in the middle of telling him to go fuck himself. I’m classy like that.
Drove home, called my mom from the car per D’s request, and had a lazy afternoon and then started my systematic declutter of the house. A very sweet friend offered to be here when I got home, but I generally cope better with a little space, though with everything else currently happening in her life, the offer meant a lot. Tomorrow night my mom is coming back from MI and is going to swing through and keep the girls so I can get a Mom’s Night Out in before things get too crazy.
It hasn’t entirely set in, I don’t think. At this point his things are still all over the house, his clothes were still on the bed when the girls and I came back tonight, and there are still beer bottles all over the house. After a week or so, I’ll manage to collect them all and then it will be a more noticeably long term absence. Poor D is so restless that I’m hesitant to move her, but these two both sleep like starfish so I’d never get any sleep.
It has also hit me a little differently than last time because of B’s death. It was a little harder for me to fill out all the wills/POA/etc, knowing that it could very much be real. Our paperwork was different this time, with two kids and more stuff and different powers. It was very strange to think about the fact that if something happened to both of us, the people I trusted most to raise our kids are the same people I trusted to get me home before curfew in high school. I think the hardest was thinking about if something happened to all four of us, what becomes of everything. It’s hard enough to look at everything if something were to happen to my husband, but thinking of something happening to my kids makes me sick to my stomach.
Well, I should probably move the girls and try to sleep, because if tomorrow is going to be harder I suppose I should be ready for it! I apologize for any/all errors, because I’m using the iPad, as I’m having Internet issues on my laptop.